What did we do last night that was yellow?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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