If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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