Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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