Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Me too!
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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