dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
