The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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