i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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