I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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