i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
