I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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