i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
God I need to hump something, right now.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
