she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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