i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
