those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
