i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
