all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
