Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
