What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
