Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
