so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
