I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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