Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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