Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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