I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
