we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
