So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
