I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
