Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
