do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
