u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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