Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
