News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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