Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
