New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
