but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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