Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
