3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
