So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
