last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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