Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
