her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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