dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
