well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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