i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
