I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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