This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
