is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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