I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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