I am full of burrito and curiosity
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
