My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
