Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
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