oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
