Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
