I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
